Letting Myself Go..

So you know how people always say women let themselves go after they have children? They seem to stop caring about how they themselves look and worry just about their children. That's the way it's supposed to go right? Well I've recently come to the conclusion that I began that process a bit too early. College has been the reason for me letting myself go. It's true. I'm nasty and disgusting looking and I couldn't care less! I absolutely despise wearing make-up, I haven't straightened my hair since Christmas Break, I wear the same clothes over and over and keep in mind they aren't cute clothes.. they're sweat pants and t-shirts. I tend to sleep in the same things I wear to school and then wear them again the next day.. just cause I'm too lazy to actually take the time to find new clothes in the morning. I'm basically disgusting! It's too bad I started this process so early in life.. now I'll never get married. Meh, what can you do? Some things just aren't meant to happen. I've embraced it..



Yep... that's me!! :) And of course my cute little friend Andrea!

Hidden from the World

It's 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I have to wake up at 6:30 and I absolutely despise not getting enough sleep at night. I just don't function when I'm tired, or maybe it's all in my head and I just tell myself I can't. It's one of those nights where I can't get my brain to shut off. There is so much to think about and it just absolutely refuses to go to bed, so here I sit. I wish at times I could be more free in my writing. I get so concerned about letting too much of myself out for others to see. There's so much going on in my life that I wish I could just express it all right now. How therapeutic that would be, but I can't bring myself to expose that much of my heart. I know if I learned to open up more, things would be different, but it's just not in my nature. I so appreciate those people in my life who can understand me without me having to tell them anything. What a special bond it creates in my life and one that is desperately needed. Although the number of those people are few, the effects are huge. It's an ongoing battle within myself to express my thoughts and feelings freely or to keep them hidden away safe from the world. Someday I'll win that battle I hope. I'm fixing things in my life right now. Hopefully I can find peace and I will being able to sleep at night once more.

Life

So I really have nothing profound or entertaining to write about, but I feel like writing so I'm going to. I keep counting down the days until school is out and I swear on my life the number keeps getting bigger. I'm sad that I'll have to leave everyone in my ward because I know it's not very likely I will see them again, but the thought of moving home without having homework all the time just makes me so happy! It's so hard to keep up the motivation to study. I have three exams this week and I can't concentrate to take one of them. I have to take my anatomy test in an hour and I'm only halfway through studying, yet here I sit, writing pointless crap on my blog that no one will really care to read. So I started to re-read the book Left To Tell. I forgot how life changing that book is. I read it and I am blown away. My thoughts are constantly drawn to that book and it really touches every aspect of my life. There are some things in life that are so touching and I wish I knew how to write so I could fully express the way they make me feel, but I don't so you are left in the dark until you read that book for yourself. It's funny how sometimes I get in these really weird moods where nothing in life matters but the relationships I have with people. I often am blown away when I realize how lucky I am for the people and examples I have in my life. I know that God has a hand in everything including my life.

You say goodbye, I say hello..

I said goodbye to another best friend today. I feel like this is goodbye to my old life. Everything has changed now, and the next stage in life is beginning. All my best friends from high school are now spread throughout the world. We all are moving our new directions, saying goodbye to our old lives, and hello to the new ones. I'm going to miss the way things used to be. I don't handle change well, but life is always good and I can't wait to begin the next adventure in life.

"No friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever."~Francois Mauriac