Letting Myself Go..

So you know how people always say women let themselves go after they have children? They seem to stop caring about how they themselves look and worry just about their children. That's the way it's supposed to go right? Well I've recently come to the conclusion that I began that process a bit too early. College has been the reason for me letting myself go. It's true. I'm nasty and disgusting looking and I couldn't care less! I absolutely despise wearing make-up, I haven't straightened my hair since Christmas Break, I wear the same clothes over and over and keep in mind they aren't cute clothes.. they're sweat pants and t-shirts. I tend to sleep in the same things I wear to school and then wear them again the next day.. just cause I'm too lazy to actually take the time to find new clothes in the morning. I'm basically disgusting! It's too bad I started this process so early in life.. now I'll never get married. Meh, what can you do? Some things just aren't meant to happen. I've embraced it..



Yep... that's me!! :) And of course my cute little friend Andrea!

Hidden from the World

It's 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I have to wake up at 6:30 and I absolutely despise not getting enough sleep at night. I just don't function when I'm tired, or maybe it's all in my head and I just tell myself I can't. It's one of those nights where I can't get my brain to shut off. There is so much to think about and it just absolutely refuses to go to bed, so here I sit. I wish at times I could be more free in my writing. I get so concerned about letting too much of myself out for others to see. There's so much going on in my life that I wish I could just express it all right now. How therapeutic that would be, but I can't bring myself to expose that much of my heart. I know if I learned to open up more, things would be different, but it's just not in my nature. I so appreciate those people in my life who can understand me without me having to tell them anything. What a special bond it creates in my life and one that is desperately needed. Although the number of those people are few, the effects are huge. It's an ongoing battle within myself to express my thoughts and feelings freely or to keep them hidden away safe from the world. Someday I'll win that battle I hope. I'm fixing things in my life right now. Hopefully I can find peace and I will being able to sleep at night once more.

Life

So I really have nothing profound or entertaining to write about, but I feel like writing so I'm going to. I keep counting down the days until school is out and I swear on my life the number keeps getting bigger. I'm sad that I'll have to leave everyone in my ward because I know it's not very likely I will see them again, but the thought of moving home without having homework all the time just makes me so happy! It's so hard to keep up the motivation to study. I have three exams this week and I can't concentrate to take one of them. I have to take my anatomy test in an hour and I'm only halfway through studying, yet here I sit, writing pointless crap on my blog that no one will really care to read. So I started to re-read the book Left To Tell. I forgot how life changing that book is. I read it and I am blown away. My thoughts are constantly drawn to that book and it really touches every aspect of my life. There are some things in life that are so touching and I wish I knew how to write so I could fully express the way they make me feel, but I don't so you are left in the dark until you read that book for yourself. It's funny how sometimes I get in these really weird moods where nothing in life matters but the relationships I have with people. I often am blown away when I realize how lucky I am for the people and examples I have in my life. I know that God has a hand in everything including my life.

You say goodbye, I say hello..

I said goodbye to another best friend today. I feel like this is goodbye to my old life. Everything has changed now, and the next stage in life is beginning. All my best friends from high school are now spread throughout the world. We all are moving our new directions, saying goodbye to our old lives, and hello to the new ones. I'm going to miss the way things used to be. I don't handle change well, but life is always good and I can't wait to begin the next adventure in life.

"No friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever."~Francois Mauriac

My Darling Little Wench . . .

Little wench, I had to make this post because I felt bad that I ruined your blog. I will find a way to make it up to you. So here it goes, a post about Care on her own blog.

This is our very own little wench. Despite how things look, you had better believe that she knows how to rock out. Good times. She loves to go boating and loves to make a fool of herself even more. Put the two together and it makes for a very entertaining boating trip. (Caw Caw Caw!)

This is a picture of the leech with her friends Mike and Chris. Well, they would have us believe that they are friends but I think this picture sheds some light on how they really feel about each other. Mike is just always happy, Chris is about to be hung unbeknown to him and Cara is worried for her life because she is stuck in the middle of all of it.

Now that we are getting to know the little vermin a little bit better, I find it safe to tell you that she is disgusting. If it isn't cake it's snot. Actually in the second picture Chris is the one going for the nose. That makes him the disgusting one. Thank you wench for always finding a good reason to get dirty. Life just isn't as fun when you are clean, I learned that from you.

This picture I had to add. Even though I look hideous, the wench looks so cute and she is wearing a hat that she made all by herself. Believe it or not she does have some talents that aren't destructive or lead to sudden illness or death.
Wench, I love you so much. When I count my blessings I count you a million times. Thank you for being my best friend, for making me jump out of airplanes and for always singing louder than me so no one has to hear my horrible voice. You make me the best person I can be, no one could ask for a better friend than you. I love you like a dung beetle loves dung.

Just for fun..

LAST:​
Last perso​n you hugge​d? Megan after class today
Last perso​n to call you? Cynthia..
When was the last time you felt stupi​d? This morning when I failed my quiz in class.. fun stuff
What was the last thing​ you yelle​d? .. doesn't barking out the window count?

FACTS​:
​1.​Homet​own? Layton, Utah
2.Natur​al Hair Color​? Dirty Blond
3.Initi​als? CC
4.Hair style​?​ longish.. brown.. Katherine cut it and it's a box dye so not too cute :)
5.Eye color​? Brown
6.Heigh​t? 5' 31/2" on a good day
7.Pets? Meisha!! The cutest dog in the world! and bum.. the ugliest cat in the world but oh how I love him!
8.Mood? Content, calm
9.Where​ would​ you rathe​r be? At home.. I'd give anything to be home with friends and family right now
10.What was the last thing​ that you had to drink​? Water from the Gold's Gym drinking fountain

THING​S ABOUT​ YOUR LOVE LIFE:​
1.Have you ever been in love? I don't think I know what love is.. so how would I know
2.Do you belie​ve in love? Yes of course
3.Why did your last relat​ionsh​ip fail? Cause it didn't exist? I don't think I'd consider any of the last flings relationships
4.Have you ever been heart​broke​n? Yes.
5.Have you ever broke​n someo​ne'​s heart​? Also yes.
6.Have you ever falle​n for your best frien​d (oppos​ite sex)? Yes, still am fallen
7.Have you ever loved​ someo​ne but never​ told them? Yes.
8.​Are you afrai​d of commi​tment​? I'd defiently have to go with yes
9.Have you had more than five diffe​rent serio​us relat​ionsh​ips in your life? No.

EMOTI​ONS:​
1.Are you missi​ng someo​ne right​ now? More than ever before
2.Are you happy​? I think I will be.. right now I can't say
3.Are you eatin​g anyth​ing? No, I'm starving though
4. Do you like someo​ne right​ now? Yes, I think so
5. Does your ex hate you? Never had one.. officially anyway
6. Have you ever kisse​d anyon​e whose​ name start​ed with a R? Yes..
7. Would​ you get marri​ed if you could​ right​ now? Oh no no no! I could not handle that right now
8. Is the last perso​n you kisse​d mad at you? I think so honestly, but I'll never really know
9. How old are you? 19 1/2
10. Are you in a good mood?​ indifferent
11. Do you prefe​r warm or cold weath​er?​​​ warm.. today was warm, loved it
12. Is any part of your body sore?​​ Yes, my abs from the gym
13. Do you care if peopl​e hate you for no reaso​n?​​​ Oh yes, it bothers me more than anything
​14. Still​ talk to any of your exes?​ if you consider them exs.. then yes one of them
15. Do you miss anyon​e right​ now? Yes, yes more and more by the minute
16. Lose a best frien​d latel​y?​​​ Yes and my heart is broken, I don't think it can go back
17. Who is the last perso​n you texte​d?​ Cynthia
18. Have you told anybo​dy you loved​ them today​ and meant​ it? Yes, Kelly, Cynthia, Katherine, Megan, Dad..
19. What'​​​s worse​, liars​ or cheat​ers? I don't have tolerance for liars, it's personal. But I hate both
20. Is it easie​r to forgi​ve or forge​t?​​​ Forgive, although both seem hard at times
21. Can men and women​ be "​​​Just Frien​ds"​​​?​ ​​ All the time
22. Would​ you live with someo​ne witho​ut marry​ing them?​​ Absolutely not.
23. Ever kisse​d a rando​m perso​n and then walke​d away?​​ No, I always wanted to though
24. Are you a beach​,​​​ count​ry,​​​ or city perso​n?​​​ Beach, I could spend my life living on the beach
25. When you marry​ will you wear white​?​​​ Of course.
26. What'​​​s wrong​ with you right​ now? a little upset and uneasy. I wish I knew what to do
27. Are you excit​ed about​ anyth​ing?​​​ I'm so excited for school to get out, I don't know what i'll do after, but it's keeping me going right now
28. Do you think​ that you'r​e a good perso​n?​​​ Yes, I think so, I try my best and He'll make up the difference
29. Do you hate the last girl you were talki​ng to? Not at all, I didn't think I could ever hate anyone, but sometimes I have to question myself
30. Have you held hands​ with anyon​e today​?​ No
31. Do you want someo​ne back?​​​ Yes more than anything
32. Why do peopl​e conti​nue to smoke​ when they know the effec​ts of it? Addiction.
33. Have you known​ any of your frien​ds for your whole​ life?​ Kelly
34. Does anyon​e love you? Yes, and I wouldn't be able to survive without that love
35. How has the week been?​ harder than expected, stressful, and an emotional rollercoaster
36. Do you walk aroun​d naked​?​​​ at times..
37. Has anyon​e ever seen you in your under​wear?​ Yep!
38. Is there​ a perso​n of the oppos​ite sex you care alot about​?​ Yes, there are many
39. Whats​ on your sched​ule for tomor​row?​ School, take my insane Anatomy midterm, more school and study for my next midterm..

Spontaneous road trip!

We all took a spontaneous road trip to California and Vegas. We stayed at our friend Sami's dad's house in Cali and had a blast! We went to the beach.. which was freezing but so so fun and we also went to downtown Disney. It was quite the adventure. We spent our last night in Vegas and walked the strip! It was so so fun.. minus the porn and smoke. We rode the New York New York roller coaster and saw everything until we were too tired to see anymore. I never want to ride in the car again, but it was worth the 12 hour drive for a weekend of fun!